


We Could Have Had It All

by danrdarrenc



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, sort of a fix-it fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 14:15:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5420162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danrdarrenc/pseuds/danrdarrenc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a reaction fic very much canon compliant with Will’s death. It’s Sonny’s journey to finding peace after Will’s death. Angst. Title from Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep.” Inspired by the quotes "Our almost will always haunt me." and "We could have grown old together."</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Could Have Had It All

_Sonny stepped off the plane and breathed in the cool, autumn mid-West air. Fall was different here than in Paris, drier, windier, fresher._

_Breathing in the deep air, Sonny left the airport and headed towards Horton Town Square on his way to the apartment. Salem somehow seemed brighter than it had when he’d left two months ago; his renewed love for Will settled in his chest like a beacon leading him to shore._

_Sonny made his way through town, not meeting anyone he knew, and arrived on the doorstep of the apartment within minutes of landing back in Salem. As he stared at the door, he realized that he didn’t know if Will would be home; he hadn’t wanted to call because he’d wanted to surprise Will but that seemed foolish now. Although he had the key in his pocket, Sonny opted instead to knock, wanting to see Will’s face when he opened the door._

_Sure enough, a minute later the door swung open on Will. His eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open when he saw Sonny standing in front of him._

_“I love you, Will,” Sonny said without pretense, still standing on the threshold of the apartment. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say it again but I love you and I miss you and I still want to spend the rest of my life with you and Ari if that’s something you still want too.”_

_Will’s answer was to grab the front of Sonny’s jacket and slam their lips together as he dragged Sonny inside, kicking the door shut behind them. They kissed furiously, their mouths claiming against each other and their hands scrambling everywhere, flinging clothes off haphazardly and as fast as possible._

_They made it to the bedroom only after fucking hard and fast on the couch, more lust-filled sex than anything. After round two, which was more love-making and reacquainting than sex, they lay in bed thoroughly exhausted, limbs tangled together and hearts beating in sync back to normalcy._

* * *

Sonny opened his eyes slowly. He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

Two weeks and he was still dreaming of Will every night. Dreaming of what might have been if only he’d caught an earlier flight back to Salem. He would have been with Will, would have had him preoccupied, and he wouldn’t have been wherever he’d been when Chad had cornered him and strangled him.

That was the worst part. The guilt. The guilt that he took so long to figure out his feelings. The guilt that he took so long in coming back after he realized he still wanted forever with Will. The guilt that he’d been so stubborn for so long instead of giving things a chance when it could have counted and meant something.

Sonny turned over onto his other side, reaching his hand out to feel the coldness side of the bed. It was weird, feeling like the bed was empty, since Will had never slept in it with him. But, somehow, with Will gone everything was hollow, even where Will had never before existed.

Sighing deeply, his breath harsh and his heart heavy with every exhale, Sonny swung himself out of bed and forced himself into his daily routine of eating, showering, working, and sleeping, even as his entire body felt like it was filled with lead.

* * *

_Their second New Year’s Eve as husbands was far better than their first. Will made sure that Zoe knew he was not going to be working until at least January 3rd, and Sonny didn’t have the failed second club to worry about._

_They spent the day with Gabi and Ari in Chicago at the zoo - Will expertly avoiding the monkeys - and they celebrated the New Year at the annual TBD party, Gabi gladly staying home with the baby. They kissed on the dance floor at midnight, much like their first New Year’s together, and they swayed to the music until nearly two a.m. when they dragged themselves home to collapse into bed together._

_* * * * * * * *_

_Valentine’s Day they celebrated by privately renewing their wedding vows in the apartment, just the two of them. There was no fanfare, no guests, no elaborate party, just their quiet love for each other, reaffirmed and reiterated twice over._

_* * * * * * * * *_

_I_ _t took Sonny weeks to convince Will to accept Maggie’s invitation for a second anniversary party, but in the end it went off without a hitch, and Paul was even there with Derek the bellhop._

* * *

 

It took Sonny six months after Will’s death before he could see pictures of Ari without his heart clenching painfully, Will’s eyes staring back at him through the screen. Gabi had sent him many pictures, many emails asking if he wanted them to visit, but he’d ignored them all, too afraid he would break down again if he had Ari near him.

During the six months when he pushed his daughter away, Sonny could only look at other guys with disgust. He knew they were looking at him, admiring him, some even undressing him with their eyes, but he sneered at them, curling in on himself, keeping as far away as possible. He missed being close to someone, missed having someone’s arms around him, missed being kissed and being loved but he couldn’t do it.

He missed Will most of all and the lost last eight months of their relationship weighed on him like an anchor pulling a ship under water. It was a far cry from the way Will had always anchored him to Salem, tethering him gently but firmly to one place in a way he had never before wanted to be.

He couldn’t shake off the images of what their life might have been like if he’d made it back to Salem before Will had gone to Ben’s apartment. (That had been a shock, the news that Chad had been innocent and that it had been Ben who’d killed Serena, Paige, and Will in the hopes of framing Chad and keeping him away from Abigail.) It was a nice life, full of happiness and laughter, him and Will and Gabi and Ari, a cute little family, just the four of them.

* * *

 

_Summer that year came and went quietly, the only thing of note being that, once she got a modeling job at Basic Black, Gabi moved into Sonny’s old apartment across the hall. The three of them had discussed it, that it was the best thing for all of them; Will and Sonny could have their privacy and Gabi could have hers without them all having to trip over each other’s feet when they wanted alone time. Gabi graciously agreed to allow Ari to stay with Will and Sonny; her room was in that apartment, after all, and Gabi was so close it was almost like she simply had a wing of a bigger house to herself._

_Will commented once how it reminded him of his own childhood, when Sami and Lucas had lived in adjacent apartments, but Sonny had gently reminded him that Ari had a stable home in their apartment, and Gabi living in her apartment was best for everyone._

_* * * * * * * * * * *_

_Just after Thanksgivng, Will suggested that they get a dog. Sonny thought he was crazy at first but when Ari came home from the babysitter’s one day at the beginning of December asking for a puppy, he immediately caved and went with Will the following morning to the shelter. The look on Arianna Grace’s face when they presented her with the little golden retriever was the highlight of his life._

* * *

Sonny returned to Salem for the first time a year to the day of Will’s funeral. He struggled with the decision, his mind and his heart still haunted by memories, lingering guilt, and dreams of a life with Will that would never be. But his parents were getting remarried and he felt he should be at the wedding.

The pain was just as sharp and deep as it had been when he had been there for the funeral, and Salem certainly no longer felt like home. He visited briefly with Gabi and Ari; though he loved his daughter and he missed her, it was still difficult for him to be around her and not be reminded of Will and the year they had spent together raising her, just the two of them.

Unconsciously, one morning he ended up in the lane outside the Brady Pub. He didn’t register at first where he was; when he realized, he collapsed onto the bench against the wall and buried his face in his hands, overwhelmed by images of the sunny September day when he kissed Will for the first time and knew he never wanted to kiss anyone else. He sat on the bench and sobbed into his hands for nearly an hour before getting up and slowly walking away, his heart a stone in his chest.

After that, he carefully avoided places of meaning to him and Will during the rest of his stay. (Except the Kiriakis mansion, to his chagrin. The place filled with the best memories of the life he should have had with Will was the one place he couldn’t not go.) Still, as soon as his parents’ wedding was over, almost to the minute, Sonny was on a plane back to Paris. He couldn’t bear to be in Salem any longer, the ghosts of Will too prevalent, too haunting.

* * *

 

_A month after their fifth wedding anniversary, Will and Sonny moved into the Horton house with Arianna Grace and their dog. JJ had gone back to Europe after graduating from Salem University and Jennifer had followed him, Abi having moved into the DiMera mansion years ago when she’d found out Ben had been the Necktie Killer and Chad the real father of her baby._

_It was an easy decision, really, to leave the apartment, after they got the news from their surrogate that she was pregnant - with twins no less. Gabi graciously obliged to the move; Ari was in school now and the apartment complex wasn’t far from the Horton house so navigating the after-school waters wasn’t too difficult._

_The year they moved into the Horton house Will and Sonny revived the annual ornament hanging tree trimming, the tradition having been on hiatus during the few years between when Jen moved out and they moved in._

_* * * * * * * *_

_The day they brought the twins home was chaotic. Gabi had been living with them when Ari had been born, and the three of them had had taking care of her down to a science; Ari was nine now, and as much as she tried to help, having twins to take care of was an adventure Will and Sonny weren’t quite prepared for._

_Eventually, they got into a routine that worked for them but it wasn’t until the twins were nearly a year old that Will and Sonny finally were able to get a good night’s sleep and feel rested in the morning. Still, it was wonderful for Sonny to get up in the middle of night and watch his twin sons sleeping peacefully in their cribs, his heart swelled with joy and love._

* * *

 

Sonny went on his first date with someone new a little over two years after Will’s death. He’d met the guy a week after he’d finally brought himself to take off his wedding ring, and Sonny was feeling vulnerable, still a shell of the enthusiastic person he used to be. But the guy was Italian, with a motorbike and long hair and earrings and tattoos, so different from Will that Sonny couldn’t possibly compare him to Will.

He had fun on the date, hang gliding and parasailing, but he ran away from the kiss the guy attempted to give him, his guilt bubbling up in the pit of his stomach anew. He still missed Will terribly and kissing someone who wasn’t Will felt like a betrayal of the kind that had been their downfall.

In the end, it took Sonny another six months before he could kiss someone again, tentatively and lightly, almost as if it was his first kiss ever. Later, when he thought about it, he thought that perhaps it _was_ like his first kiss ever, his first kiss in his new life, his new life that he had to live without Will in it.

Still, it felt like he was treading water, navigating his new relationship with Martin. When he had loved before, he had always loved with his whole heart and soul; but a part of his heart and soul had been buried with Will and the hole that was still a part of him could never be filled or given away to someone new.

* * *

 

_Ari’s foray into teenagedom brought with it Will’s near constant fear that she would be like him - or worse, Sami - filled with rage and insecurity and angst. Oddly, as it turned out, it was Sonny who paced the floors all night, checking the clock every minute, on the night Ari went on her first date with a boy._

_Will laughed at him for hours after she came home exactly at curfew, practically cackling at how overprotective and nervous a father he was. Sonny wasn’t quite sure why he was so paranoid with Ari, considering it was Will whose family had the tradition of teenage pregnancy. Will suggested once that it was because Sonny had brought Ari into the world, had been the first one to ever hold her and to make her breathe, that Sonny felt a special connection to her that even Will and Gabi didn’t feel._

_Ironically - or maybe not - it was Will who was paranoid on the twins’ first day of grade school, scared that they would be bullied or would’t be able to catch up or get under the wrong person’s skin._

_They laid in bed one night, a few weeks after the twins started school, and mused on the fact that each of them was more protective over the kid that wasn’t theirs biologically than the one that was. They kissed lazily that night, cuddling close, basking in their love and the family they created._

* * *

 

Martin asked Sonny to marry him three years into their relationship. Sonny stared at him, dumbfounded, as he kneeled on the floor, a ring box open in his hand. Sonny froze, overwhelmed by images of himself in Martin’s position staring up wide-eyed at Will; his face now undoubtedly looked the way Will’s had that day in January so long ago.

Still gun-shy and scared in a way he never had been before, Sonny turned him down gently, Will’s words echoed in his own.

Long ago, he had wanted to be married, to share a life with someone he loved. He’d had it, he had had everything he wanted - a husband, a daughter, a family - and he’d let it fall apart at the seams. Will had set the stage for their failure, but it had been he who had hammered the last nail in the coffin. He’d been blind and stupid and stubborn with Will and he was beyond terrified of making the same mistakes with Martin.

More than that, though, it was the fact that dreams of a happy marriage with Will still lingered in his heart and his head that kept Sonny from saying yes to Martin. Will was always going to be the love of his life and, even after almost six years without Will, Sonny couldn’t shake off the ghosts of the life he’d imagined living with Will.

He couldn’t get married again. Not yet.

* * *

 

_Will and Sonny both cried the day Ari left Salem for college. They’d tried to convince her to go to Salem University, but she had her heart set on NYU and they couldn’t deny her her dream. Gabi was the least emotional watching her go; perhaps it was because Ari hadn’t lived primarily with her; perhaps it was because Gabi appreciated having fifteen extra years with her she hadn’t expected to._

_The twins were surprisingly mellow without their sister around; Will and Sonny had thought two eleven year olds would be excited to be the only ones in the house, commanding the sole attention of their fathers._

_Oddly, it was the dog who missed Ari the most most days. He was old now, and Ari had been his first friend. Sometimes Will or Sonny would find him curled up on the floor at Ari’s empty bed._

_* * * * * * * * *_

_Will panicked when, at 21, Ari came home from school for a weekend to tell them something big she couldn’t tell them over the phone. Sonny knew Will thought she was going to come home pregnant; he and his mother had done it, after all. If Sonny was honest with himself, he was worried too._

_They both nearly fainted with relief when Ari came home to tell them that she had decided to go to law school after taking a year off to travel the world. Sonny smiled at that, proud to know that even without genetics Ari had gotten some of his traits._

* * *

 

After a year of grief counseling and personal therapy, Sonny agreed to marry Martin. Ari and Gabi came to the wedding at his request; Martin knew about Will and Ari and he wanted Martin to meet his daughter. She was 10 now, growing into a lovely young lady, her blue eyes shining at him the way Will’s always had. They spent a week together, Sonny and Ari and sometimes Gabi, Sonny showing Ari his favorite places in Paris and taking pictures with her that she could have to remember.

It was weird being married again, Sonny’s concerns still hovering over his head, but he found himself in a place where he laughed easily and had a lighter bounce in his step. He was watching Martin at the sink just cleaning dishes when he realized what it was that was making him feel different: He was happy, happy in a way that he hadn’t been since Will died.

A small smile turning up at the corners of his lips, Sonny twisted his new wedding ring around his finger. It was nice having the comfort of it there again, even if it wasn’t Will’s. There was a piece of his heart and soul that would always belong to Will, that Martin could never touch, but he loved Martin more than he thought he would ever be able to love someone again after Will.

His smile growing wider, Sonny shuffled over to the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Martin’s waist, dropping his head onto Martin’s shoulder. He was at peace in Martin’s arms, in the life he managed to make for himself without Will, even if he still missed the love of his life every day.

* * * * * * * * *

Sonny returned to Salem on the tenth anniversary of Will’s death. It was a beautiful fall day, just as it had been when they’d buried him. The leaves in the Saint Luke’s park were red and golden brown on the trees and under foot. He walked slowly towards where Will’s grave lay, now nearly covered with overgrown flowers and grass.

Swallowing thickly, Sonny sat down cross-legged on the ground in front of the grave. He swiped the grass and flower petals away from the stone so he could read the inscription.

“Hey, baby,” Sonny said quietly. “I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to come visit.”

The leaves rustled overhead as Sonny paused, thinking.

“I got remarried a few years ago. His name’s Martin. I think you’d like him. He’s a lawyer, likes arguing with people. Kind of like you.” Sonny laughed at his own comparison. “We’re adopting a baby next month. A boy. I couldn’t - I couldn’t do a girl.

“Ari’s great by the way. She’s almost a teenager now. And every bit the devil you’d worried she’d be,” Sonny chuckled to himself. “It took me a while before I could have a relationship with her again, but Gabi sends me pictures and I Skype with her regularly now. I’m meeting them later for lunch and we’re going to spend some time together while I’m here. She doesn’t know it but Gabi and I are planning on surprising her with a trip to Paris for her thirteenth birthday when school lets out.”

He stopped talking, choked up. He played with the grass in the hole between his legs and his body, picking at it and breaking it.

“I miss you, Will. I love Martin and I love the little boy we’re getting but I miss you. And I want you to know that I’m happy. So don’t worry about that.

“But…I miss your voice and your face. I miss your eyes. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them. I thought it’d get easier, you know? And…I guess it has in a way. I’m happy again, at peace with my life but…I wish it was you I was spending it with. I still imagine it sometimes, what our life could have been like, did you know that? I’ll always regret not coming back sooner to tell you I loved you. You should have known that. I hope - I hope you know that now, that I loved you. That I still love you. I always will. You have a piece of my heart and my soul that not even Martin can have. You will always be the love of my life, and nothing will change that.”

Sonny blinked away tears but they fell anyway. He sat in silence at his husband’s grave for a long time, the breeze blowing cool on his face. He got up only when his phone buzzed with a text from Gabi that she and Ari were at TBD waiting for him.

Sniffling, Sonny kissed his fingers and bent down to press them to Will’s now-fading name on the grave.

* * *

 

_Ari’s wedding was a quiet but lavish affair in the backyard of the Horton house. Hortons and Bradys and Kiriakises had come from all over the world to be at the ceremony. The twins, finishing their last year of high school, were the handsomest of ushers and groomsmen, and the perfect hosts, trained well by their fathers._

_Three months later, they left Will and Sonny with an empty house, both of them going off to college in California. It was the first time Will and Sonny had ever really lived alone just the two of them, and it was bittersweet for them; they had had kids around for so long that they almost didn’t know what to do with themselves without them._

_Still, they found ways to occupy themselves, Will still writing and Sonny still running TBD (and a new coffee shop, across town where_ Java _used to be). They took walks in the park, and traveled to the European markets that they talked about visiting long ago when they’d first started dating. Sonny showed Will his favorite places in Dubai and Will took Sonny to his favorite parts of Switzerland._

_Ari returned to Salem for good as a lawyer, a year after giving birth to Will and Sonny and Gabi’s first grandchild - a girl named Marlena, in honor of Will’s grandmother who had passed away a few years before. Will and Sonny were overjoyed to have a new baby in the family, eschewing Ari in favor of Marlena, as their own parents had done to them when Ari was young._

_Their twin boys found their own paths, one in medicine and one in film, both of them visiting from time to time but never staying too long. Eventually, they both married and had their own babies, three more grandchildren for Will and Sonny, two boys and another girl._

_As their family grew, Will and Sonny became the new Tom and Alice Horton, the pinnacle of what a relationship should be, the centerpiece of the Hortons and even the Bradys and Kiriakises._

_Will and Sonny loved each other more and more every day, as they grew older and their hair turned white around the wrinkles that formed on their faces. The year that they had spent broken at the seams seemed a distant memory to them, and Will even asked Sonny once if it had ever really happened at all._

 

 


End file.
